What's the problem, baby?

-think about it every time I think about it can't stop thinking about it-

I've pretty much neglected this blog, I know. If I keep using being busy as an excuse, well, things won't get anywhere. Yes, Marshall, I finally post something and it's about Euro, but Ryan and I spent about two intense hours trying to figure out where to put people, and thank goodness we agreed on things, because it would have taken even longer. I keep forgetting to give it to Gonsalves.
School is slowly dying down, as teachers assign us last-minute projects and force a few tests into the last real week. Summer is looking dull so far, but it's okay because there won't be so much homework or studying to do.
One of the weird things that has begun to bug me throughout the past two years is the fact that my Microsoft Office programs are really old. For example, when I open up a powerpoint at school, they don't have as many fonts, but they have more effects, such as better transitions and more options. This 2000 business is quickly becoming obsolete. Windows XP Home Edition can be really disappointing.
Gator-fil-A is approaching our thousandth theorem.

The 25 of APEH

Ryan and I decided that the class did an abominable job of it, so here is ours.
1. Martin Luther
2. Napoleon Bonaparte
3. Josef Stalin
4. Adolf Hitler
5. Louis XIV
6. Karl Marx
7. John Calvin
8. Henry VIII
9. Otto von Bismarck
10. Johannes Gutenberg
11. Sir Isaac Newton
12. Elizabeth I
13. Charles V
14. Ferdinand and Isabella
15. Vladimir Lenin
16. Leonardo da Vinci
17. Klemens von Metternich
18. Mikhail Gorbachev
19. Philip II
20. Louis XVI
21. Henry IV (Bourbon)
22. Christopher Columbus
23. John Locke
24. Winston Churchill
25. Baron de Montesquieu

An hour before the Stat exam,

Ryan sends me a link to this. It was awful.

Daddy Put in Bye-Bye Box

ITHACA, NY—After weeks of being sleepy all the time and never finishing his din-din at night, area daddy Howard Lewis was put in a bye-bye box early Monday morning so that he could go on a vacation with the birds and clouds in the sky.

Daddy, who was tall and strong and liked going to the hospital to play with their fun machines, was put in the bye-bye box at a big, white house where everyone had a party for him even though it wasn't his birthday. According to family sources, Daddy, 36, can't play Chutes and Ladders tonight, but he loved Ryan and his little sister, Rebecca, very, very much, and nothing is ever going to change that.

Enlarge Image

In Ryan's depiction, Daddy gets to play with Ryan's teddy bear, Porky, while in his cool underground box.

"I love my daddy. He's the best," said Ryan Lewis, 5, after watching the box get dropped inside a cool underground fort full of dirt and sand. "I'm going to be the big boy of the house until he gets back. And I have to take care of Rebecca now, even if she doesn't share her toys with me."

Mommy, who said that Ryan and Rebecca could have pizza for lunch today because they're so special and then started crying like the time Rebecca skinned her knee, was not able to explain how long Daddy is going to have to live inside the ground. She also said she was not sure if the bye-bye box has a night-light for when it gets dark, whether there's books inside the bye-bye box for when Daddy gets bored, or why Daddy was wearing a suit in the bye-bye box if he wasn't going to work.

After returning from the bathroom, Mommy, 34, reportedly hugged Ryan and Rebecca so hard that it hurt a little.

While many theories exist as to why Daddy was placed inside the ground, including the possibility that Mommy and Daddy had a big fight, and that maybe living underneath the grass was the only way for Daddy to get a new tummy, Ryan and Rebecca said they would have to wait until he comes back to ask.

Ryan added that he hopes Daddy brings back a lot of presents, like the time he went to Chicago to talk about computers.

"I'm practicing catch in my room so I can surprise Daddy with how good I got when he was away," said Ryan, who sometimes, when sitting in the backyard, likes to dig little holes to try and visit his father. "I'm also making him a card and I'm going to give him all my bath-time toys so that he can have something to play with when he washes up to get all the dirt off his body."

This is reportedly not the first time Ryan's family has received so many fruit baskets and telephone calls after someone has had to go away for a while. In 2003, Grandma Sarah was turned into magic dust and then thrown into the ocean so that she could go swimming again. And last year, Uncle Brian was put in a bye-bye box even bigger than Daddy's after his heart broke into a million pieces one morning.

Although neither Grandma Sarah nor Uncle Brian has visited the house since, 3-year-old Rebecca said she knows that Daddy will be back soon, because she has a ballet recital next week, and Daddy promised he would be there to watch her. According to Rebecca, not only is Daddy going to come out of his hole to see her, but he's also going to have all of his hair back when he does. In addition, Daddy won't be saying all that silly stuff like "I'm so sorry, my princess" and "You're going to have a beautiful wedding one day."

"My papa's name is Howie," Rebecca said. "He's asleep now like Snow White."

When Daddy will actually wake up remains to be seen, but he is probably just having a good time playing with their old cat Muffin right now, and will soon realize that Ryan and Rebecca can't go to sleep without their favorite bedtime story, and will then jump out of the ground and coming running fast, because he is such a fast runner.

As of press time, Mommy was planning to have a big long talk with Ryan and Rebecca, probably about eating their vegetables or tidying up their rooms.

Turn into something beautiful.

So, BFF, I saw the line from your post, thanks to Google Reader: Kejing I miss your blog posts...I guess you're busy.
I really like the song you posted and just downloaded it, even though it is lyrically a bit repetitive.
I suppose I am busy, having to study for more than just Euro for once. Although, all I really studied yesterday was Euro. It's nice to have seven classes rather than eight, and now that I have no formal responsibilities in MAO, the world seems so much larger. Mrs. Ewart is glad I'll have more time to study for AP Chem. No, not seriously. Apparently Blair has a bird too, in addition to Ryan, but they refuse to tell her about them.
I never thought I'd see Jerrod shake my mom's hand (oh wait, it was the other way around), steal our sadly 10th place Alpha trophy from Ryan's house with the help of Won and his car, or go to 1Fresh and Lake Ella, and see Won's birthday DVD and Joe play tennis, and come home thinking "someone needs to get a license." But I sort of did.

Jack is having issues writing his free poem for English.
Jack: ok

and now i need to come up with some ideas

1:50 PM i have no ideas

me: hmm

Jack: maybe i could write it about trying to think of something to write about while nearly falling alseep

me: write about how youre falling asleep

and the last thing on your mind is a beautiful girl

Jack: hahahaha

1:51 PM i don't feel like it

me: sucks for you.

Jack: why?

me: because i'm about to post that on my blog.

What feels like the last relaxing Sunday

In fourth grade, my father bought me three CDs for Christmas, took papers he didn't need from his workplace (the ones with a bunch of weird scientific essays and graphs) and stuffed a tin that probably used to hold cookies in them, along with the CDs. One of them was "Spice" by the Spice Girls, so yesterday, I imported the CD to iTunes.
Today, a few minutes after I got online, William emailed me the Spanish version of the Pokemon Theme. I'm pretty excited about this, particularly since I don't even have the English version. There's even album art on it with Spanish all over it! This is a rarity because I don't have an iTunes account, so it won't search for album art. Great stuff.
I like how Sonal announced on FB that she got a prom dress. Who shall the lucky boy be?

I saw your post, and if it was in any way about me, I want you to know that I don't want to hate you- ever. I see why you said we might not be friends, but you are definitely not my enemy. It doesn't annoy me to speak to you. If you want to talk about it, please tell me.

The Lowest Animal by Mark Twain

Posting this is not meant to be offensive in any way, but I thought it was a nice short story.

The Lowest Animal

By: Mark Twain.

I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the lower animals (so-called), and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me. For it obliges me to renounce my allegiance to the Darwinian theory of the Ascent of Man from the Lower Animals; since it now seems plain to me that the theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one, this new and truer one to be named the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals.

In proceeding toward this unpleasant conclusion I have not guessed or speculated or conjectured, but have used what is com­monly called the scientific method. That is to say, I have sub­jected every postulate that presented itself to the crucial test of actual experiment, and have adopted it or rejected it according to the result. Thus I verified and established each step of my course in its turn before advancing to the next. These experiments were made in the London Zoological Gardens, and covered many months of painstaking and fatiguing work.

Before particularizing any of the experiments, I wish to state one or two things, which seem to more properly belong in this place than further along. This, in the interest of clearness. The massed experiments established to my satisfaction certain gener­alizations, to wit:

1. That the human race is of one distinct species. It exhibits slight variations (in color, stature, mental caliber, and so on) due to climate, environment, and so forth; but it is a species by itself, and not to be confounded with any other.

2. That the quadrupeds are a distinct family, also. This fam­ily exhibits variations (in color, size, food preferences, and so on; but it is a family by itself).

3. That the other families (the birds, the fishes, the insects, the reptiles, etc.) are more or less distinct, also. They are in the procession. They are links in the chain, which stretches down from the higher animals to man at the bottom.

Some of my experiments were quite curious. In the course of my reading I had come across a case where, many years ago, some hunters on our Great Plains organized a buffalo hunt for the entertainment of an English earl. They had charming sport. They killed seventy-two of those great animals; and ate part of one of them and left the seventy-one to rot. In order to determine the differ­ence between an anaconda and an earl (if any) I caused seven young calves to be turned into the anaconda’s cage. The grateful reptile immediately crushed one of them and swallowed it, then lay back satisfied. It showed no further interest in the calves, and no disposition to harm them. I tried this experiment with other anacondas; always with the same result. The fact stood proven that the difference between an earl and an anaconda is that the earl is cruel and the anaconda isn’t; and that the earl wantonly destroys what he has no use for, but the anaconda doesn’t. This seemed to suggest that the anaconda was not descended from the earl. It also seemed to suggest that the earl was descended from the anaconda, and had lost a good deal in the transition.

I was aware that many men who have accumulated more millions of money than they can ever use have shown a rabid hunger for more, and have not scrupled to cheat the ignorant and the helpless out of their poor servings in order to partially appease that appetite. I furnished a hundred different kinds of wild and tame animals the opportunity to accumulate vast stores of food, but none of them would do it. The squirrels and bees and certain birds made accumulations, but stopped when they had gathered a winter's supply, and could not be persuaded to add to it either honestly or by chicane. In order to bolster up a tottering reputa­tion the ant pretended to store up supplies, but I was not de­ceived. I know the ant. These experiments convinced me that there is this difference between man and the higher animals: he is avaricious and miserly; they are not.

In the course of my experiments I convinced myself that among the animals man is the only one that harbors insults and injuries, broods over them, waits till a chance offers, then takes revenge. The passion of revenge is unknown to the higher animals.

Roosters keep harems, but it is by consent of their concu­bines; therefore no wrong is done. Men keep harems but it is by brute force, privileged by atrocious laws, which the other sex was allowed no hand in making. In this matter man occupies a far lower place than the rooster.

Cats are loose in their morals, but not consciously so. Man, in his descent from the cat, has brought the cats looseness with him but has left the unconsciousness behind (the saving grace which excuses the cat). The cat is innocent, man is not.

Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity (these are strictly confined to man); he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing; they are not ashamed. Man, with his soiled mind, covers himself. He will not even enter a drawing room with his breast and back naked, so alive are he and his mates to indecent suggestion. Man is The Animal that Laughs. But so does the monkey, as Mr. Darwin pointed out; and so does the Australian bird that is called the laughing jackass. No! Man is the Animal that Blushes. He is the only one that does it or has occasion to.

At the head of this article we see how three monks were burnt to death a few days ago, and a prior put to death with atrocious cruelty. Do we inquire into the details? No; or we should find out that the prior was subjected to unprintable muti­lations. Man (when he is a North American Indian) gouges out his prisoners eyes; when he is King John, with a nephew to render untroublesome, he uses a red-hot iron; when he is a reli­gious zealot dealing with heretics in the Middle Ages, he skins his captive alive and scatters salt on his back; in the first Richards time he shuts up a multitude of Jew families in a tower and sets fire to it; in Columbus’s time he captures a family of Spanish Jews and (but that is not printable; in our day in England a man is fined ten shillings for beating his mother nearly to death with a chair, and another man is fined forty shillings for having four pheasant eggs in his possession without being able to satisfacto­rily explain how he got them). Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it. It is a trait that is not known to the higher animals. The cat plays with the frightened mouse; but she has this excuse, that she does not know that the mouse is suffering. The cat is moderate (inhumanly moderate: she only scares the mouse, she does not hurt it; she doesn’t dig out its eyes, or tear off its skin, or drive splinters under its nails) man-fashion; when she is done playing with it she makes a sudden meal of it and puts it out of its trouble. Man is the Cruel Animal. He is alone in that distinction.

The higher animals engage in individual fights, but never in organized masses. Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and with calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out, as the Hessians did in our Revolu­tion, and as the boyish Prince Napoleon did in the Zulu war, and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel.

Man is the only animal that robs his helpless fellow of his country takes possession of it and drives him out of it or destroys him. Man has done this in all the ages. There is not an acre of ground on the globe that is in possession of its rightful owner, or that has not been taken away from owner after owner, cycle after cycle, by force and bloodshed.

Man is the only Slave. And he is the only animal who en­slaves. He has always been a slave in one form or another, and has always held other slaves in bondage under him in one way or another. In our day he is always some mans slave for wages, and does that mans work; and this slave has other slaves under him for minor wages, and they do his work. The higher animals are the only ones who exclusively do their own work and provide their own living.

Man is the only Patriot. He sets himself apart in his own country, under his own flag, and sneers at the other nations, and keeps multitudinous uniformed assassins on hand at heavy ex­pense to grab slices of other peoples countries, and keep them from grabbing slices of his. And in the intervals between cam­paigns, he washes the blood off his hands and works for the universal brotherhood of man, with his mouth.

Man is the Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Ani­mal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion, several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cuts his throat if his theology isn’t straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother’s path to happiness and heaven. He was at it in the time of the Caesars, he was at it in Mahomet’s time, he was at it in the time of the Inquisition, he was at it in France a couple of cen­turies, he was at it in England in Mary’s day, he has been at it ever since he first saw the light, he is at it today in Crete (as per the telegrams quoted above) he will be at it somewhere else tomor­row. The higher animals have no religion. And we are told that they are going to be left out, in the Hereafter. I wonder why? It seems questionable taste.

Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal. Note his history, as sketched above. It seems plain to me that whatever he is he is not a reasoning animal. His record is the fantastic record of a maniac. I consider that the strongest count against his intelligence is the fact that with that record back of him he blandly sets himself up as the head animal of the lot: whereas by his own standards he is the bottom one.

In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which the other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately.

Next, in another cage I confined an Irish Catholic from Tipperary, and as soon as he seemed tame I added a Scotch Presbyterian from Aberdeen. Next a Turk from Constantinople; a Greek Christian from Crete; an Armenian; a Methodist from the wilds of Arkansas; a Buddhist from China; a Brahman from Benares. Finally, a Salvation Army Colonel from Wapping. Then I stayed away two whole days. When I came back to note results, the cage of Higher Animals was all right, but in the other there was but a chaos of gory odds and ends of turbans and fezzes and plaids and bones and flesh not a specimen left alive. These Reasoning Animals had disagreed on a theological detail and carried the matter to a Higher Court.

World

Congratulations to Ryan, who learned a bit of piano yesterday from a really lame YouTube video, but managed to impress both his parents and aunt.
Spring Break is halfway over, and I have to say I am quite happy. I am going to finish watching V for Vendetta, and eventually watch Hotel Rwanda after my trip to the library. I also printed some MAO State tests, which I hope to at least glance over before two-thirds of April comes by.
We saw Sweeney Todd at Anna's house last night. The songs made me want to sing out loud, if only I could learn them.
I'm too lazy to type any more, so here's another song. Unfortunately, at the uploader's request, it didn't provide embedding and I'm not enough of a computer geek to figure it out, so THIS is the link.

A Hidden Secret?

me: i didnt know you had birds!
fightinchicken26: bird

me: does MRS EWART KNOW??????

fightinchicken26: shhhhhhhhhhh

please dont tell her

im scared

This makes me smile.

Mr. Blue Sky

Logan: lol

7:42 PM oh ur definitely part of the kejing baby watch drama now
Logan Stafman
7:37
dammit....we were just singing Mr. Blue Sky, not having sex

lol

question: is this too cheezy for my essay for FAMAT board?

7:43 PM I believe that my desire to work hard for the club that I have grown to love over the years along with my...

me: thanks logan

blairwult: logan confirmed ur rendezvous

7:44 PM Logan: anu time

any time*

me: so i there was mild sarcasm in "thanks logan"

Logan: woah, au contraire, I did not

read what I said

me: haha nice start

you? love? go together well. jk

oh wait i shouldnt be talking

.....

Logan: no, that's not the start

that's near the end actually

me: start to your essay, dude

*moosecookie

hmt

7:45 PM me: he did not.
blairwult: he did too
me: Logan: woah, au contraire, I did not

7:47 PM LOGAN IM SO SCARED

Logan: lol

me: me: have you HEARD mr blue sky?
jerrod had it on repeat for like half a day once
blairwult: no
me: it's the most innocent thing ever
okay the video those two did during fcat week that was uploaded
that was mr blue sky (the song in the background)
blairwult: hahah well then its the perfect song to play if u want calming sex [wink]
me: well they certainly didnt have sex in calc

Logan: HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA