What are three things you are passionate about?

1. Loving people more than being loved 

2. Deep expression of thought, such as using music and handwritten notes 

3. Understanding the “why”

The Last Supper

John 13:1-17; Matthew 26:17-35

Reflection 🤯
These passages include multiple instances when Jesus knows what will happen in the future. The Bible shows us that this is no surprise; God’s omniscience transcends the constraints of linear time. From Psalm 139, God knows our words before we speak. From 2 Peter 3 “with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day” (though according to Wikipedia most biblical scholars have concluded that Peter is not the author, thereby considering the epistle pseudepigraphical). From 1 Chronicles 28, God understands every desire and every thought. (For a visual representation of God in relation to linear time, see Figure 11.1 from Wayne Grudem’s Systematic Theology, Chapter 11: God’s Incommunicable Attributes - How is God Different from Us?)

I feel deeply somber and amazed that this — God’s ability to simultaneously see all points in time — must mean that Jesus knew all along that Peter would deny knowing Him, that Judas would betray Him, and that the pain and reality of an excruciating crucifixion was real and imminent.

Personally, I will never have omniscience (it is an incommunicable attribute of God, after all! — thank you Grudem) but I am getting a glimpse of this ability via prediction: the much lesser, younger cousin of omniscience. The more wise I become, the more I can predict or anticipate what people will do next — including when and how they will disappoint or hurt others. I hope to remain loving regardless of what they will do.

Additionally, my human experience is that I am denying God all the time. I will be repenting because I have sworn to place God first above everything else. As C.S. Lewis adeptly puts in The Four Loves, ‘When God arrives (and only then) the half-gods can remain.’

This reflection wouldn’t be complete without addressing the ultimate denial of God: the permanent, conscious decision to not be with God. Judas knows that Jesus is real yet chooses to deny Him forever. This reminds me of Carl Jung, a famous psychiatrist, who also became conscious of the spiritual world throughout his life. In his autobiography Memories, Dreams, Reflections, Jung has a vision of the wedding supper of the lamb (something I have experienced too). He later reaches a deep understanding — and perhaps appreciation — of God’s love. Jung says, “I sometimes feel that Paul’s words - ‘Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love’ - might well be the first condition of all cognition and the quintessence of divinity itself.” Unfortunately, at the end of his life, Jung gives in to the demon within him. “There was a daimon in me, and in the end its presence proved decisive. It overpowered me, and if I was at times ruthless it was because I was in the grip of the daimon.” Despite encountering God in their lives (for Judas, in the flesh and for Jung, through spiritual experiences), these men ultimately chose to not go to Heaven and to ostensibly go to Hell. My heart hurts thinking about this; these are decisions that impacted eternity. Are these men now in Hell, having gotten what they wanted — the rejection of God?

Failures

Online, we often post about their accomplishments. Nothing wrong with that.

Because most or all of us fail too, and perhaps in a stubborn stance against pride and envy, here are some of my failures. This is definitely not an exhaustive list.

• Juggling of any sort
• Cartwheels, handstands
• Rejections from hundreds of applications, almost everything I've ever applied for
• Undergrad at Columbia, Princeton, MIT, the President's Scholars Program at Georgia Tech, clubs on campus
• PhD at MIT
• Jobs at Blackstone, Citadel, Facebook, Google, Goldman, McKinsey, WeWork, WGSN, and many more of all industries and sizes. I have a huge failure rate with job applications; it's probably close to 99%.
• How I treated my little brother when he was going up. I often lost patience with him.
• Saying hurtful things about or to people. I've made terrible mistakes with my words and thoughts.
• Failed dating relationships
• The many times I tried to run only to find that I was still injured and/or breathless
• Dropping and breaking my phone
• Wearing the wrong clothes for the weather
• Being awkward at a networking event and not knowing what to say or do
• Running late
• Not fitting into my clothes
• Losing a piano competition 
• Losing all tennis matches
• Bombing a big test
• Learning French

Clothes, Shoes, and Other Things

Why
I have the honour of being asked, every now and then, where I buy my cool clothing! I never have a satisfying answer. "Nowhere in particular, really."

How
Before and during shopping, the key is making sure everything fits my personal style. My style sounds like this:

• High quality (e.g. will not break after a few washes)
• Rarely ever any neons or bright colours or patterns
• Lean towards light neutrals like whites or greys or pinks or whites, sometimes red to accent a white -- because the colours should be easy on the eyes. If wearing a lot of the same colour (e.g. NYC loves black), mix up the textures. Androgynous colour palettes (black, white, green/blue/brown over pink/purple, but that doesn't mean pink/purple are not okay). Black/white/navy and neutral-toned shoes for work (and a bit of maroon or other serious colours are okay). If the exact shade of the colour is not quite right, avoid.
• Some floral patterns but I am picky about which flowers are okay. Patterns should not be too uniform or too large or too bold. 
• Interesting textures/stitching/fabric. Some see-through. 
• Nothing preppy or tacky. Sometimes a bit boho or hipster but not mainstream hipster. 
• High-waisted over others. V-neck over others. 
• Avoid logos. Avoid words unless I like the words (e.g. The Laundry Room -- "Mermaid Off Duty" and "Come sit with us.") 
• Avoid trends

Things that don't fit this style feel strange on me. A few (less than 3) of my clothing items (e.g. Alice + Olivia) do not fit this personal style. I feel a bit stressed thinking about and looking at these items and need to find a way to let go of them.
Below is an inventory of where I shopped for all my clothes, shoes, plus a few other things in my studio. Some are stores with more than one brand (e.g. Zappos). For those, I listed the store rather than the brand, because this is more about the "how" behind the discovery. If helpful, I added the brand in parentheses.
I collected these things slowly over about 10 years. I only keep what I love. The total number is small. I rarely buy clothes or shoes these days because I have everything I need.

Today
If shopping today, I would probably go to East Village Vintage Collective and maybe Beacon's Closet. I would look for something relatively low-cost. I prefer older clothing before the era of fast fashion and unique cuts that are difficult to find today. And it seems more sustainable (from an environmental standpoint) to buy secondhand.
I would love to go back to Thanx God I'm a V.I.P.

Tips

• Rouge might be too packed to go in person in Paris, so online is better once you know your size.
• In-person over online. Much more efficient. (e.g. The RealReal in SoHo)
• You don't have to worry about how the clothing/furniture/etc. will fit with the rest of your things as long as you abide by your personal style. Then, everything will fit together.
• If you're not sure, ask yourself 1) if it fits your style and 2) if it flatters you.
• Some clothing doesn't flatter anyone. Some clothing will never flatter you no matter what your body type is. (e.g. Spaghetti strap dresses look like aprons on me.)
• Touch the fabric and think about how it makes you feel.
• Be picky. Usually walk into a store and walk out with nothing.

::: Inventory :::

Sunglasses
Chloe
Oliver Peoples

Gloves
Anthropologie

Scarves
Thanx God I'm a V.I.P., vintage store in Paris

Swimsuits
Nastygal

Hats
Amazon.com
Free from work

Socks/Underwear
Amazon
Costco
Victoria's Secret

Tops
Brandy Melville
Club Monaco
Equinox
Free People
Lululemon
The Laundry Room
Saks OFF 5th
Stanford

Sweaters
Club Monaco
Rag & Bone

Kimono
EPISODE, vintage store in Paris

Blazers
BCBMAXAZRIA

Jackets
Burberry
eBay
Free People
Mackage
Nike
Urban Outfitters

Shorts
Brandy Melville
Cornell
Equinox
Stanford

Skirts
East Village Vintage Collective
Thanx God I'm a V.I.P., vintage store in Paris
vintage store in San Francisco

Pants
Beacon's Closet
Diesel
Lucky Brand
The RealReal, SoHo
Zara

Dresses
Alice + Olivia
Reiss
Romwe
Rouje, was temporarily in SoHo, is still in Paris
Urban Outfitters, Birmingham UK

Shoes
Bloomingdale's
Chloe
Cole Haan
Gucci
Havanas
Zappos (Brooks, Birkenstock)

Furniture or Household items
Anthropologie
Olde Good Things
Wayfair
West Elm for bedding, not furniture