Passed AP Pony?

Sitting here, supposed to be studying, I find a lot of time to just think about everything. After some reminder... I realized that I might never recover from the emotions that I went through in freshman and sophomore year. Freshman year though, wasn't all that bad because it was just about school, which I have a better chance of forgetting when I get older when high school doesn't matter anymore. But the next year cut pretty deeply so many times, and it was all packed the second semester and the beginning of junior year. Every time my mind encounters the smallest reminder, I feel a mass of resentment or shame or hatred. When it is a stronger reminder, I easily feel pain and relive various scenes that I cannot tear from my memory. You know how a lot of people say, just be strong and put it behind you and live on and be happy? That plan works out really well but for some reason it refuses to help this time. I was insulted and angered and saddened and depressed. So I am starting to think that this might remain permanently in my mind.

I had a dream that I got my AP scores back even though I was not done taking all of them. so the ones that I did take came, along with a few extraneous ones. In the dream, I easily got a 5 on US History and Calc. It was amazing. I wish it would happen in real life. But of course, even my dreams left out the Spanish score, at which I feel no surprise. Also, I had some weird classes like a horse class and a pony class or such? I got a 21/22 on the pony class. I do not know why it was not out of five. But I wanted to tell Ryan about that. I hope he is proud of me.