Selfish post, I'm warning you.

Don't tell me I didn't warn you.

I've felt extremely empty these days, and it's really queer. It's like everyone around me has their feelings; happiness, sadness, anger, love, jealousy, impatience, etc. I have feelings too, and yes, they're real too. Is it weird that in addition, I feel useless and weak, and only in this world to be there?
"Oh, yeah, she's there." That's what I would say if I were another person. I love that my friends are supporting, caring, and a touch on the crazy side on regular occasions. Of course, helping people is just another part of life. Whenever there's a problem, I do my best to help them fix it if they would like it. It gives me a sense of joy to know when something good happens for them. I'm never going to be tired of helping anyone.
However, it doesn't stop me from feeling so hollow. Is this all there is to me? People care about me, but in the end, do I really matter? Of course I matter. Stupid question... What am I doubting? Why am I complaining?
No matter what happens to me, whenever I have trouble, no one can truly help me in the end. I always have to figure it out, or do something by myself. Study for the PSAT? MAO? My abominable class rank? Health issue? Stupid issues, really, and what am I going to do about it? Complain to myself that I'm simply not content. The last time I was truly happy was so long ago that I don't know remember to identify it. There isn't a path to absolute satisfaction because I don't know what would make me better. All I can feel is emptiness and sadness.

And I know why.