Remember these?

Jack and the Hug Monsters
Hwritten by Hwilliam Dunn, Spelling corrections and typing by the CEO
Jack heard a knock at the back door, so he hwent to the front door and opened it. Nobody hwas there! Then Jack looked at the story about him and realized that the knock came from… the BACK door! This hwas indeed a very strange phenomenon, because Jack lived in a shack hwith only a front door. Consequently, Jack hwent to Kejing’s house and realized that the knock hwas coming from her back door. Jack asked Kejing, “I hwonder hwho that could be?” Kejing said, “I don’t know.”
Jack hwalked to the back door of her house. He opened the door, and outside hwere a thousand angry girls picketing the house! They hwere carrying signs such as, “Hugs not Drugs,” and “Hugs for Jack!” Before he noticed anything, the lead girl pounced on him and gave him a great big hug. Now, as everyone knows, hugs are Jack’s hworst fear (besides starvation). Luckily, there hwere so many girls to hug him and hold him down that Kejing had time to get her camera and take several pictures. Hwhile Jack hwas busy, she also called Ryan, Hwilliam, June, Diana, and Brendan to come and hwatch. Diana brought a diamond-encrusted solid platinum digital video camera so they could record the entire thing and put it on YouTube.
Jack managed to break free and run, but the mob of girls hwas hot on his trail. The ever-present video recorders got in Diana’s private jet limousine to follow him. Jack ran as fast as he could all the hway to PARis, France to get away from the savage hug monsters. He climbed the Eiffel Tower hwith hopes that his pursuers hwoudn’t look up. However they did and Jack hwas forced to slide down their giant hwhite flag to escape. Jack kept running until he got all the hway around the hworld again, pursued relentlessly by the demons of hugland and the Gator-fil-A entourage hwith a video camera. Hwhen they got home, the private jet limo landed and June got out. All the girls’ June-senses immediately turned on, and they pounced upon him. Jack thought, “Man, oh man I just got my bacon saved… bacon!?” Our good hugophobe had forgotten lunch in his fear! To redeem himself and improve his karma, Jack had to eat 10 meals for each day the rest of the hweek instead of the usual eight. In the meantime, Kejing, Hwilliam, and Ryan locked June and his um… followers in a nice dark room; Brendan left to go spike his hair, and Diana left to go find Eagle. Hwhat now?

THE END


RYAN AND THE COMMUNISTS
05-07-07
Ryan and the Communists
Hwritten by Hwilliam the Dunn, EIA
Typed and edited by your omnipotent CEO
One day, Ryan hwas rocking out to Hollaback Girl in his room hwhen all of a sudden, his Communist Alert siren started flashing. Ryan knew his duty. He changed into his secret agent tux and s-hwitched his TV to Channel 007. The CIA director came on. "Special Agent Par, hwe need your help. Hwe have recently gained information that two Communist spies are actively scheming and plotting against America in your locality. Find them and arrest them, and disarm their nuclear hweapons. Here are their pictures." Pictures of Diana and Kejing flashed on the screen. Ryan thought, "I know them. This should be easy!" So he jumped into his $24 Ferrari (on lease from Diana) and drove over to get Jack and Hwilliam to join him in the fight against the Commies. Special Agent Par drove to Kejing's house, and then planted American flags all over. Kejing knew she hwas being attacked, so she packed up her grenades and got into her stalker helicopter and flew to-hwards Wisconsinland. She landed, but Agent Par hwas hot on her trail. Par invited her to dinner to discuss and negotiate. However, at the meal Kejing ate some crepes, and Ryan forced her to surrender. After she had surrendered, Ryan rocketed in his #24 Ferrari back to Tallahassee to overtake Diana. This time, he needed Jack's help. To break into Diana's house, he dressed Jack up as a 1,000,000 dollar bill and dropped him on the ground. Immediately, Diana ran out, picked him up, and ran back inside. Hwonce inside, Jack ate the security system so Ryan and Hwilliam could get in. They carried a lot of American flags to establish their dominance. Also, Ryan brought a trick dollar bill to attract Diana's attention. They three ran to the elevator to climb g floors up to Diana's penthouse. Once insdie, they made all of her Frenchmen surrender and then hwere face to face hwith Half Pint herself. Ryan gave her the trick dollar bill. As soon as she had it in her hand, the dollar bill unfolded into a hwhite flag and she surrendered. Victory America!