Note to self: I am in love with You

But hey, I'm slipping away, here.

Don't forget that God revealed Himself (Deuteronomy 4:29), and looking back, that ALL of these moments are biblical.

Nature (Nehemiah 9:6)

The angel's touch (Daniel 10:10)

A friend's word of knowledge about a great fear (Hebrews 2:14-15)

Being dressed and prepared as His bride (Revelation 19:6-10)

Jesus's confirmation about Heaven (John 17:3)

Being transformed into royalty (Romans 8:15-17)

Crying for the lost (Romans 9:1-3)

Angels battling and wrestling demons on the beach (2 Kings 6:16)

God's tangible presence during worship, prayer (James 4:8)

I am so weak, so forgetful; God is good.

Listening now: A Little Longer - Brian & Jenn Johnson 

I cried out to God and He answered.

This morning, I made some more progress in Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret (written by Howard and Geraldine Taylor, revised by Gwen Hanna) and came across this quote on page 84:

In great spiritual agony, I wandered out on the sands alone. And there the Lord conquered my unbelief, and I surrendered myself to God for this service. I told him that all the responsibility as to the issues and consequences must rest with him; that as his servant it was mine to obey and to follow him, his to direct, care for and guide me and those who might labor with me. Need I say that at once peace flowed into my burdened heart?

Hudson Taylor vocalizes this moment too well.
At this point in the story, he's currently doing some translation work in China, but desires aide for more missions work. For a while, he cannot see the power that will provide people who will come and stay. But as he contemplates the million a month who are dying without God, he prays. And then, the Spirit gives him peace.

I completely attest to the fact that the Holy Spirit does bring peace in this way. (Haha though my experience is not as intense as Taylor's because he was in China and praying for thousands, while I was in the comfort of Ithaca.)
Recently, I was praying for some younger friends who have been looking for Him. (I'll be vague here to maintain a level of privacy.) One of these friends asked me about going to a Christian event. As he became increasingly uncertain, I felt increasing agony. The Spirit said, "Ah man. My boy has just slipped out of my hands." But He didn't stop there because God is so powerful, and so patient. Because immediately afterwards, He said, "Don't worry. I'll take care of this and he'll come to me."
But I wasn't fully convinced, and God was still sad that my friend did not know Him. As I prayed more, I felt an increasing sadness, and cried... a cry that did not come from my heart, but from the Spirit. The power of this cry was enormous, far greater than I could understand or think to call my own. My soul yelled to Jesus, "Reveal Yourself to him!!! Let this child's journey glorify You! I will do anything, or nothing, whatever you ask. If I am to do nothing, I ask that the other Christians in his life would encourage him to walk after you. If it takes years, I know you are just writing this beautiful story in a way I cannot see. But God, please, please, please... let him know You."
As I washed away my tears and stepped away from the sink... so quickly, before I had noticed a change, the Spirit brought complete peace. This absence of worry was not numbness, but was healthy contentment. So I knew: God is in control. 
My soul rested.

On another note, today marks the second time I've emailed back and forth with a stranger and by the third or so email they call me Kevin... which is actually my little brother's name! Happy birthday again, little one.

What have I lost?

I'm saying this now because I feel like I've lost a lot recently.

... a friend.
... the mind battle against a particularly difficult test.
... the luxury of thinking fewer and simpler thoughts
... and turn off recurring ones.
... the freedom of reading for hours each summer day.
... time.
... a memento of my grandmother.
... interest in watching the telly.
... quite a few opportunities to create art.
... memories.
... files that I downloaded from Blackboard which have somehow disappeared from the folders in which I saved them.
... the sort of need to get married. (Haha. I don't think my spiritual mother approves of my jokes about celibacy... But really, it wouldn't be so bad!)
... joy in things of this world that surpass the joy experienced with Jesus
... the ability to stop eating all this White Rabbit creamy candy.
... trust.
... respect.
... security.
... homes. So many homes.
... the pride and privilege of having a Chinese citizenship.
... the fear of losing things.

Two points.
1. By losing these things, beautiful things have happened. With some bittersweet, some madly difficult, but a lot of beautiful.
2. I'm learning that things were never mine to own in the first place. Truly, I have the same before and now, in Him.
This is freeing.

Listening now: Lead Me To The Cross - Hillsong Live, Samson - Regina Spektor, Beginners Theme Suite - Beginners Soundtrack

To my childhood friend

Hi A. H.!

I don't know if you remember me anymore but that's okay, haha; we haven't talked for years!!

I wanted to say hello to you today because you are really important to me!
I remember when you were in 4th grade, I first met you. You were the first friend I had who said she was Christian, and you taught me how to pray in Jesus's name. That was the first time I ever thought about Christianity. You and your mom even invited my mom and I to church one day. At Sunday school, the teacher asked noticed that I was new and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" and I said "Yes," not really understanding what was going on. Then we read some of Revelations, which was pretty intense. Then, at lunch we had rice, bai chai and some sort of meat. You were scared because apparently there was a bat in the next room.

After fourth grade I didn't think much of Jesus until a couple of years ago.
But about a year ago, I started having love encounters with God. Since then my perspective has radically changed. Now I'm getting to know the Jesus who we innocently discussed about a decade ago. Everything about Him is so beautiful. His infinite love, patience, His angels, his Spirit...

So, I pray that He becomes even more important in our lives, soon and always.

Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day!

Love always,
Kejing

Bertrand Russell

Shoot! Bertrand Russell died in 1970.

I wanted to debate him. He wrote “Why I Am Not a Christian,” which is sometimes available as a pdf on DC++.

It’s very unconvincing.

---

Russell delivered this lecture on March 6, 1927 to the National Secular Society, South London Branch, at Battersea Town Hall. Published in pamphlet form in that same year, the essay subsequently achieved new fame with Paul Edwards’ edition of Russell’s book, Why I Am Not a Christian and Other Essays … (1957).

Love from the Holy Spirit

Don't fret about impressing or being beautiful for any person. Be in love with God, who loves you no matter what. Be so in love with God that no worldly worries have weight in your decisions. Just rest in His presence and do what worldly things you can for His glory. Everything for the King of kings...

Tejal and Kejing's to-do list

1. Cornell Plantations. There is a giant bell?
2. go down to the gorges, wherever that is (1/2)
3. tunnel between Olin and Uris
4. Farmer's Market
5. go sailing if possible. Find out if possible.
6. state park
7. BoatYard Grill (1/2)
8. go on a date
9. see Denice Cassaro (1/2)
10. go sake bombing at Miyake
11. go up to the clocktower
12. Fuertes Observatory (1/2)
13. bomb a prelim
14. corn nuggets at The Nines
15. attend an opening at the Johnson Museum of Art
16. see something at the Schwartz Center (1/2)
17. go to the Law School Library, Reading Room
18. eat at Banfi's
19. trivia night
20. walk to the Commons and back
21. Cornell Cinema (1/2)
22. Holi on the arts quad

Big Break & Evangelism

Almost everyone seemed to be glad about this trip. Some mentioned spiritual and character growth, good Christ-centered conversations with people on the beach, and new fellowships with each other.
I completely agree. All of these comments are true and of course fail to truly describe the incredible experience.

But at the same time, my heart was concerned.
1. The passion to evangelize will die down because we are going back to real life, where our task in leaving our home is not only to speak to people about Jesus, but also to do countless other things. To worry about other things. To think that maybe glorifying God is not our first priority. To think that maybe God is not our first priority, even though He is real and eternal.
2. As the trip was ending, we started playing more games of Mafia. When I am not sleepy I think this is a fantastic game. At night, someone on the bus said, "Christians like this game more than the average person because it's the only time they're allowed to lie." Then I started thinking... how much blatant lying and deceit takes place over events that are real and important? How easily does the devil gather people to be like him? How many demons sit around before angels shoo them away, just because we didn't pray?

Don't let the devil chuckle at his success.
Feel uneasy when you meet someone who doesn't know that God loves them, but glad that God is working hard and battling for that person! Don't ever believe or admit that you aren't "good enough" to talk about God. Keep praying and reading the Bible to hone and grow your discernment. Jesus is always with you, helping you, guiding you... and He is not a secret. He is enormously important!

A Goal in Life

Conventionally, the media portrays the path to happiness as the American Dream, an ideal that touts wealth and material as the means to satisfaction. But since research has proven that happiness has no correlation with wealth in the absence of serious financial burden, this Dream is not the answer to finding happiness.
Similarly, our environment insists that love is a product of  romance. These experiences are often most possible among people who are not too wrinkly, and people who are not "stuck" with just one other person. But for example, we often hear that a stable marriage is the way to go. (I agree.) For the many years when two people are married, proportionately little of their time together would be "passionate," but an enormous amount of time would be "friendly." They are best friends. So maybe conventional wisdom and hopes are not accurate for our lives. They most certainly are not accurate for mine.

Revert to the year 2000, when the world was ostensibly simple. Ask me what I want to be when I grow up. I'd say, just to be happy.
I let this change. It was not a matter of questioning the semantics of happiness, or a sign that I'd settle with depression. Happiness was not my ultimate goal.
But love - for God, my family, friends, everyone - is unquestionably most important to me. Like happiness, it can grow in response to hardship, and can exist in countless forms. And with age, we get to explore their depth. Their similarities are numerous, and their differences reveal the importance of love. I will describe some of their most obvious similarities in order to introduce the reason for my ultimate goal.

More on love...
Despite the notions that true happiness and love cannot be found the mainstream way, many of us are always looking for better possessions and more passion.
But this is not enough. Our worldly ventures are not fulfilling, lasting, or permanent.
Love exists on any level of happiness. Love can be both joyful and painful, one-sided or mutual.
Jesus said that the most important of the commandments is to love God, and the next important was to love your neighbors (Matthew 23:37-40). He is the most fulfilling, lasting and permanent love, and one-sided because He always loves us more.

Another fun story from the Internet.

Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure
Me: Promise You won't get mad ... ... ... ...
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start
 God: Okay
 Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
 God: Huummm
 Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right
 Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
 God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that
 Me (humbled): OH GOD
God: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
 Me: (ashamed) God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
 Me (embarrassed):Okay
 God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
 Me (softly): I see God
 God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
 Me: I'm Sorry God
 God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad. Me: I will trust You.
 God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.
 Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today. God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...